Monday, May 12, 2014

Acting 05/10/14

To me, life is all one continuous act. You go through life smiling, and pretending that comments people make about you won’t keep you up thinking at night, and you try to always do what other people will see as a good thing, or at least, a clever thing. It’s all one big act. you can’t actually talk to people. You can’t actually let them know how you are feeling, because they don’t care. No one cares about you and your stupid silly little problems. No one cares what you think. No one cares what you do. Because they are all busy acting too. And the second you fall out of character, the second you drop the act, the second you mess up, everyone knows, everyone sees, and they will never ever let you forget about it, because it makes them feel better when someone else messes up. As long as someone else is doing something wrong for everyone else to focus on, there is less pressure on you to do it all right. But when that person is you, that is the end of the line. You can’t go back to being that normal smiling person everyone else saw before you let your mask slip a little, because now they all know that you are a screw up, a failure, a loser. Now they all know that you messed up. They all know you lied. So now, the rest of your time is spent trying to correct that mistake, trying to change the way other people think about you or see you. And it doesn’t even matter how hard you try to go back to being the smiling happy person who leads the perfect, socially acceptable life, you will always have failed.
So go on and keep acting, because the instant that you don’t, it’s all over, and you can never get it back.

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